Ready, Or Not
by Cho Koume
Summary: There is an unconscious instinct that lies in all of us. Most of the time, we nevernotice it, but it's there. It is the instict... of death. It appears to Goku's time. Are the others ready to let him go?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not ooooowwwwwnnnn Saiyuki! So get off my BAAAAAAKK!

Ahh… nothing like a good song! Hee hee

- Ready or not… -

They thought they were ready for anything their pursuers could dish out. They thought they were ready, but they weren't. They had no frigging idea…

It started out as normal. They were driving, trying to reach a destination that seemed so far away. One was complaining of food, another was yelling at the hungry kid; the third was yelling at the other two, and the forth was sitting in the driver's seat, laughing at them all. Then, as the small jeep rolled over the hill, they stopped talking, and the vehicle stopped. About two dozen demos lay in their path.

Goku and Gojyo were sent to extinguish the demons, as Sanzo felt he and Hakkai weren't needed out there. He sat safely in his seat and sipped some tea, instead, and Hakkai watched the fight. They were winning, as usual.

"Sanzo?"

"What is it? I'm busy drinking, here."

"Well… Goku seems to be moving a lot slower today."

"Well, he was complaining about behind hungrier than usual today. In the end, I bet he is just putting on a show so we'll hurry to the next town and feed him."

"Yes, probably!"

They were winning. The last demon fell at the hand of Gojyo, as Goku had set himself down on the ground halfway through the battle. Something was wrong. He sensed danger, but he couldn't make the uneasy feeling go away. He had never been afraid like that before. He felt almost sick, and grabbed his stomach. Gojyo walked over to him and put one of his big feet on his back. When he didn't respond, Gojyo quickly removed his foot and knelt next to the boy.

"Hey, Goku… What's wrong with you today? You're way off your game."

"I got a bad feeling…"

"A bad feeling? What do you mean?"

"It's like… usually, I can guess what I'm going to do tomorrow, but now…"

"You're not making any sense."

"Heh heh heh heh heh. Actually… he's making perfect sense!"

Gojyo and Goku looked over by them. The ringleader of the demon squad lay bleeding, dying. He was almost gone, but he was smiling. Gojyo rose his weapon defensively, but the demon was not afraid.

"What do you mean?"

"I know the feeling you speak of…"

"You do? Then please… tell me what it means!"

"I had… the very same feeling this morning…Yes… that's what it is…"

"Huh?"

"It is a natural sense… of one's mortality. You will die today…!"

Goku gasped. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Gojyo, sensing his friend's fear, took care of the cause. With a flick of his wrist, what remained of the demon was gone. Goku sat on the ground a moment longer, too shocked to move, and then Gojyo grabbed his arm to pull him to his feet.

"C'mon, monkey. Don't listen to what that lunatic said. You're going to be fine."

"Huh? Oh, y-yeah… right."

Goku stood back up, but just second after he did, he caught the sound of an incoming object, and right before his eyes, a rocket flew past him and Gojyo and hit the spot where the jeep, Hakkai and Sanzo had been. Goku wanted to scream, but he was frozen again. Apparently, there were more of those things than they had seen, and one of them was heavily armed. Once the smoke cleared a little, Goku saw Gojyo run into the smoke, and followed him.

It was hard to see anything, but Goku's eyes soon adjusted to the cloudy air, and he searched around for his friends. Gojyo had found Hakkai and Hakuryuu; both appeared to be fine. Sanzo still hadn't been found.

"Sanzo? Sanzo? Answer me, Sanzo!"

Goku heard coughing nearby, and then he saw the glint off of a familiar gun. He landed hard on his knees and helped Sanzo into a sitting position. Running on automatic, Goku began to check Sanzo over. His robes were dirty, but at least he hadn't been hurt badly by that explosion.

"Sanzo, are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine…"

Sanzo tried to stand up, but he found it difficult when a worried monkey latched onto his waist. Glaring, Sanzo looked down.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Goku couldn't answer. Honestly, he hadn't thought about hugging Sanzo, he just did it. Something inside told him to do it, and fearing what he thought would happen, he just let it out. He didn't even move when Sanzo was pushing and pulling on him. He barely moved when he was hit with the fan, and that usually worked. Sanzo would normally reach for his gun in that situation, since nothing else worked, but the way Goku clung to him sent a warning through his mind, and he glared up at Gojyo and Hakkai as they walked over.

"What the hell did you do to him?"

"Don't look at me!"

"Yeah, me neither!"

Hakkai knelt down and tried to pry the boy off his keeper, but he didn't get very far. He pulled Goku only a little bit away before the child fought back, only to end up latched onto the monk's neck, instead of his waist. All other efforts were useless.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Goku… Get… off!"

Sanzo stood up and pushed Goku away. The boy landed on the ground with a fearful look on his face. Sanzo tried not to appear worried, but Hakkai was, and he lightly touched Goku's cheek.

"Goku?"

"It's coming…"

"What?"

"Everyone, look out!"

The others gasped, as a barrage of arrows appeared above them. Each of them managed to jump away in time to avoid being skewered, but weren't allowed a lot of time to think before another group descended on them. Hakkai protected himself and Sanzo with a shield, and Goku and Gojyo spun their weapons in the air.

The situation was very unusual and frightening to Goku, somehow, he knew those arrows were coming, and he could see the demons coming over the next hill before they did. He was seeing what would happen next, and he fought using that knowledge. He saw things that prevented the others from getting hurt, and that made him happy. However, once the arrows silenced, and he though it was over, the visions stopped coming.

Goku could no longer tell what was going to happen. There was nothing but blankness in his mind. He looked around at the others. Hakkai was a little banged up, and so Goku was happy. Though Sanzo was loading his gun again. But why? There must have been more enemies, but Goku couldn't see them in his mind.

A ways away, Gojyo stood upright, looking around worriedly. Sanzo was also alert. They all knew there were more demons around, and they had to be ready for them.

"Guys, keep on your toes. We're not out of the woods yet."

"Right."

"I wont let them get ME…"

"Goku, be ready. Goku. Goku?"

They heard a gurgled noise to the left, and following his ears, Sanzo automatically regretted it. Goku was standing up straighter than he ever had before, and with the most shocked look on his face. Looking down, Sanzo saw why. Bursting out of his midsection was a long, sharp, bloodstained sword. The demon was about Goku's height, and so he didn't become visible until the sword was removed, and Goku hit the cold earth.

"Goku!"

Goku was down, lying with his face to the dirt, and not moving, and the fiendish demon that had struck him down was laughing. Gojyo cursed and gathered his weapon again as half a dozen more demons came out to play. He ran out alone to take care of them, and Hakkai readied the jeep. Sanzo's only thought was getting to his motionless companion. He didn't care that he had to blast through a few demons to get there, and once he did, he knelt down.

At first, Sanzo could barely stand to look at the sight, let alone touch him, but he needed to turn the boy over to asses the damage. From the back, there was the wound, which had gotten him, and once he finally turned him over, he saw that it had, indeed, gone all the way through to the front. Sanzo let out his held breath as he laid a badly bleeding Goku over onto his lap, and the boy took in a harsh breath, himself.

Goku was still alive, but his abdomen was bleeding, and blood was even starting to come from his mouth. He coughed and choked, but at least he was alive. Slowly, Sanzo shook the boy, seeing as Gojyo wasn't ready to go, and they had to finish off the enemy. Hearing Sanzo's voice, Goku's eyes automatically opened partway.

"Goku, thank god… say something!"

He didn't speak, and Sanzo shook him a little harder. The movement made him wince, and so Sanzo stopped.

"Goku, it's me! Damn it, Goku, speak to me!"

"S-San…zo…"

"Yes, it's me… Goku, hold on!"

"Sanzo…"

"Yes…"

"I see… a light, Sanzo… so pretty… pretty… do you see?"

"No… God, no! Goku, the light is bad!"

"Pretty… wanna… go touch it…"

"No! Listen to me, the light is bad! Stay away from it!"

Not listening to Sanzo, Goku's hand rose up into the sky, and it was shocking to see the boy reach for Sanzo's hair. He let the boy, but his hand never made it all the way. It dropped before it got there.

Ten minutes later, the group was back on the road, and Gojyo was blazing down the road. Up in the front passenger seat, Hakkai was trying to quickly patch himself up. Behind him, Sanzo was holding tightly onto a still bleeding Goku. The boy looked so much thinner and paler than he ever had before, and the grip Sanzo had on his hand started to draw more of the boy's blood. Hakkai looked back.

"Hold on, guys! I'll come back there soon and heal him!"

"No you wont! You're too injured, yourself! You'd put yourself into a deep sleep before you could even get started!"

Gojyo yelled at him from the front seat, and Hakkai winced as they went over a bump. Goku more than winced, and let out a yell. The bumpy rise was not helping his condition. He was worried they wouldn't make it, so he couldn't very well slow down. In the back, Sanzo became aware of his death grip, and loosened his hold only a little, and drew the boy closer.

"Don't die… damn you, don't die… Goku… I'm not ready… to lose you, or anyone! Please…"

Sometime just before reaching the next town, Goku went still.


	2. Chapter 2

The group reached an inn in a matter of minutes, and they had no time to lose. Goku wasn't responding to words or touches anymore, and he wasn't breathing. They really freaked out the inn owner when they ran in holding a bloody body, but he allowed them to use a room, telling them that they would take care of the paperwork later. Then, he called a doctor, and the group brought Goku up. It was a large room with four beds, but that wasn't important right then.

Sanzo laid Goku on the bed, and the sheets were quickly stained red. Then, Hakkai nearly pushed him down as he went to the boy's side. He put an ear to the boy's still chest and cursed. Gojyo and Sanzo were told to stand back, and watching Hakkai give the boy CPR made Gojyo feel very badly. It was like there was a vice putting pressure on his heart. He couldn't stand to look, and he was clenching his fists so tightly that they were white.

Sanzo, on the other hand, couldn't stop looking. His eyes were fixed on the unmoving boy. his mind was racing, and his strong, emotionless mask was breaking. He simply watched Hakkai as he tried to revive his friend, but the other man was crying now, and his movements were slowing down. There was barely any pressure on the boy's chest anymore, and that simply wouldn't do. Hakkai stopped.

"God, no… I can't… I can't get him to start breathing! Oh, Goku…"

Sanzo put on a stern face and pushed Hakkai slightly to the side, near Goku's head, and he mimicked Hakkai's hand positions.

"It's like this?"

"Sanzo…"

"Sanzo, don't… there isn't a point anymore… Goku is-"

"It's unacceptable."

"Huh?"

"I wont let that stupid brat die here…!"

Sensing his friend's concerns, which were often hidden from the world, Hakkai was filled with renewed hope, and he wished against wish that they could bring the younger back.

"Am I doing this right?"

"Yes…now, press down as hard as you can in time with your own heartbeat!"

"Right…"

Sanzo was not very good at it at first, but once they got started, he was pressing down very hard. Hakkai kept breathing into Goku's mouth, hoping that their combined efforts would work, but wasn't sure if they would. They needed the doctor there with them!

--

Goku couldn't understand what was going on. He remembered that he was outside in a forest, fighting, but he was currently sitting in a vast, yellow meadow. There were flowers all around him, and the sky was bright and the most beautiful blue color he had ever seen it. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the breeze was cool and refreshing. He loved it there. In that place, there were no demons, no fighting, no yelling; there was only peace and relaxation. But… something didn't seem right.

"Sanzo?"

Looking around, the demon boy tried to find something or someone familiar. A face, a voice… but there was no one. Suddenly, he became very afraid. He couldn't feel anything, and he didn't know where he was. He wanted to be with his sun, ad he called for him, but instead of receiving an answer from his savior, there was another sound. It was an eerie voice on the wind; one that whispered _heretic_.

Then, out of nowhere, dozens of dark hands reached out of the darkness and grabbed him. He yelled and tried to fight against them, but he didn't have any strength. They held firmly onto his arms, legs, torso, and even one went around his neck. Goku felt hot all over, and the meadow that was once there was shrouded in darkness. The hands that held him were tight and it felt as though they were needles, stabbing him.

"Sanzo! Save me, Sanzo!"

Everything was fading away.

--

On the other side, Gojyo saw Goku's hand twitch, and then his brow was lightly knitted in pain. Sanzo and Hakkai were still trying to revive him.

"Guys! I think he's coming back!"

"Good! We've almost got him!"

Yes, they almost had… until something in Goku's chest cracked. Startled, he pulled back his hands.

"Oh crap… I think I broke something!"

Hakkai took his place and lightly felt along the boy's chest.

"One of his ribs broke… Damn."

"What does that mean?"

"…It means we can't do chest compressions anymore…"

"No…"

"Well I'm not ready to let him die!"

Gojyo's outburst startled Sanzo, as that was what he was thinking. But, what more could they do?

"Gojyo, our last chance is the doctor! Hurry and find him!"

"I'm on it!"

Gojyo rushed out of the room, and the other two could do no more for their friend. Hakkai sat by his head and set a hand on his forehead. Sanzo sat on the floor and buried his face in his knees. After a minute, Goku's hand slipped over the edge towards Sanzo. It was the boy's last movement. Sanzo grabbed onto the boy's chilled hand and said a silent prayer for him.

--

Goku was glad to see that after the hands had disappeared, he had seen the image of his savior. However, as soon as the image had appeared, Sanzo was gone, and Goku found himself back in the meadow. He didn't like it. He wanted his sun. So, he ran around, trying to find him.

"Sanzo? Sanzo! I hate this place! Sanzo!"

He gasped. Once again, the hands found him, and he as helpless against them. They hurt him, even more than they had before, and he hated it. He was feeling faint, and he almost gave up completely. However, just when he was about to give into oblivion, a bright light surrounded him. a woman's voice was speaking to him; it was a voice he knew, but he couldn't remember.

"Hello, little chimp…"

"Mm… let go… Sanzo…"

"Do not be afraid. None of them are ready to let you go just yet… and besides…"

She touched her lips to Goku's forehead, and he was engulfed in light and pain.

"…You're far more entertaining when you're all together."


	3. Chapter 3

Goku's stiff body jolted once with the shock of the defibrillator, and the electricity that surged through him. After the second shock, Goku's body twitched for a moment, making them think he was out of harms way, but when Sanzo took a step towards the bed, the boy's body suddenly went into convulsions. His whole body shook, and Sanzo and the doctor tried their best to calm him, les his body give out again. They held him down and that only served to make the boy convulse more. Soon, blood was coming from his mouth, and his lips moved as if calling out to someone.

The room was deathly silent as Goku fell still and silent once more. Hakkai had long stopped looking, facing the far wall. Gojyo was right by him with a hand on his friend's shoulder and his head down. He was a strong guy, but this was too much even for the toughest man. He always fought with the little monkey, but he never wanted this.

After another moment of checking over Goku's vitals, the doctor shook his head and stood up. This action startled Sanzo, and he followed the doctor with his eyes as he walked towards one of the other beds and started packing up. Sanzo didn't understand. Why were they all silent? Why was the doctor giving up? He said Goku was gone, but no… Sanzo could still hear him. Sanzo could still hear that annoyingly high-pitched voice calling for him, screaming for him, begging him to save him.

The doctor was almost done packing when a hand slammed down in front of him. He looked up, startled, to see Sanzo pointing his gun at his head. Gojyo stared in disbelieve at the desperate look on the monk's face, and the poor doctor was scared out of his mind.

"What do you think you're doing? Shock him again!"

"S-Sanzo…"

"I-I'm sorry, sir, but there's nothing more we can do!"

"Do it."

"Sir-"

"DO IT!"

"Sanzo, stop!" Hakkai had to interject, looking and sounding quite distressed, himself.

"Sanzo, I'm sorry, but Goku is GONE! We can't do anything to bring him back!"

"No.. no, no, no. He's not dead! We can still help him!"

"What?"

"I can still hear him… his annoying voice is still in my head!"

Hakkai didn't know what to say. Either Sanzo was delusional, overcome with grief, or there really was another chance to save Goku…. But only ONE, and it was slim. Courteously, and with a weak voice, Hakkai begged the doctor to try just once more, and reluctantly, he did.

The air was heavy with worry and anticipation, and nobody took a breath as the doctor prepared the defibrillator once more, and slow as a snail in a puddle of molasses, brought it down. To see Goku's body jolt up, and his chest to move up and down for the first time in early fifteen minutes made almost all of them shed tears of relief and joy. The boy was breathing again… but what would happen next?

--

_Sanzo…._

_Sanzo, can't see…_

_Hard to breathe…_

_Sanzo… W-where are you?_

Slowly, Goku's eyes began to open, and the first thing he saw was a dark ceiling with a spinning fan above his head. Though, the fan wasn't spinning. It was just staying still, there, as if it were broken. Not having the strength to do anything else, he simply stared at the unmoving fan, trying to will it to move with his tired mind. After a long while, his eyes began moving, and he found a room all around him. He was in a room, not that he recognized it at all. But, he was glad to know it wasn't just a fan nearby him.

Searching his surroundings, he finally spotted something familiar; their travel-pack. ..That's right, he thought. They were on a journey West… one he almost missed out on. Though he couldn't quite remember what had happened at first, the moment he tried to sit up, he was reminded by a painful jab in his abdomen. Figuring that he didn't want to keep lying down, he once again tried to sit, making it this time. However, his success came at a price, as the pain in his lower torso was met with another one in his ribs.

Looking down, now dizzy and nauseous, Goku saw that his entire front was wrapped tightly with bandages, some now stained with his blood. That explained the difficulty breathing. His head was spinning, and his chest was still incredibly tight, but he knew something was amiss. He swung his legs over the edge of his bed, and the minute his head stopped spinning, his eyes widened. There were three other beds in the room, and two were occupied, covered with their blankets. Something dark was leaking through them in different places, and Goku forced himself to stand. He stumbled over to the nearest bed and just barely notice a patch of red hair sticking out over the top.

The dark liquid on the blanket startled him, and even before he reached out to touch it, he feared what it was. Blood. Gojyo…he was dead.

"G-Gojyo… Hakkai, look! He's-"

Just like the other… Hakkai was also covered, also bleeding, as was a smaller figure by his head, also covered, also bleeding, also dead. Goku's hands were shaking, and his face was paling. Just when he was about to crack, he heard footsteps by the door. Turning his head so quickly made him dizzy again, but eventually, his vision focused on the figure in the doorway. Sanzo.

Goku could not understand what he was seeing. Sanzo was standing in the doorway with a beer in hand, and his gun in the other. He was completely soaked in blood. And not just any blood, Goku hoped, as he slowly and shakily got up on his feet.

"S-Sanzo…"

"You…should be in bed."

Goku was speechless at first. What could he say? He looked back at the other two and took in a gulp of air.

"Sanzo… what happened to them…?What happened?"

"They're sleeping…"

"S-sleeping? No, Sanzo… look at them! They're not asleep! Sanzo…"

"…"

"Sanzo…"

Tears started to form in Goku's eyes. Reality was catching up to him, and he hated it. His heart ached in his damaged chest, and it all only hurt more as Sanzo took a step towards him, raising his gun.

"Sanzo… no, please… Sanzo…!"

"They're sleeping… and so you will be."

Goku shut his eyes tightly, hearing a gunshot ringing in his ears. It was so loud, it made his head throb…but… should it have?

--

Slowly, Goku's eyes opened, and he was suddenly staring up at an unmoving ceiling fan. He closed his eyes, then, not caring… until he remembered what he had just seen. In a panic, he sat right up in bed, almost not caring how much pain he was in. his torso was completely and tightly bandaged, only something was different… there was a bandage around his head, too.

Panic began to rise in the pit of Goku's stomach, and he almost got whiplash from turning his head so quickly to search the room. He still wasn't prepared for what was there. Two of his companions were, indeed in the room, and they were covered in blood. Only this time, they weren't under the blankets. Gojyo was lying on his side with an arm draped over the side of the bed, and Hakkai was sitting back against the wall, Hakuryuu lying in his lap.

On very shaky legs, he forced himself to stand, and walked over to Gojyo. He was smothered in blood… as was Hakkai. Goku wanted to weep… worse than the meadow with the hands tearing at him, seeing his friends…like that… Slowly, he reached out his hand, but a noise stopped him. Someone was standing at the door.

Goku was terrified, but he still could not help but look up. There, as he had feared, was Sanzo, staring down at him, first with surprised eyes, and then his head went down so that Goku could not see his face. In his hands was a gun, and a beer can… Swallowing his breath, Goku used the edge of Gojyo's bed to help him stand and he was crying by the time he was full-height before Sanzo.

"S-Sanzo…"

"Goku… you should be sleeping."

No… not again!

Goku couldn't stand to hear it happen all again! Though, this time, Sanzo walked towards him without another word, and Goku shut his eyes, fearing the next set of events. The last set…

Amazing how a dropping beer can could sounds like a bullet leaving the barrel of a gun. It was enough to convince Goku that Sanzo had fired on him, and he awaited the oncoming bullet. But, it wasn't death's grip that surrounded him… it was Sanzo. Feeling the warm, gentle hands around him, Goku gasped and opened his eyes. Sanzo had dropped both items he was carrying and was hugging Goku as tightly as he could. When Sanzo spoke, his voice was shaking, and that scared Goku almost as much as he was afraid, before.

"I swear, Goku… if you ever do that to me again, I'll kill you, myself!"

"S-Sanzo…"

Goku heard more shuffling behind him, and when Sanzo let him go, Goku saw happy faces smiling at him.

"Goku… welcome back!"

"It's a miracle… we thought we had lost you!"

"Guys… Y-you're all okay!"

"Mm? Oh, you mean this?" Gojyo picked at his bloody clothing.

"Nah… it isn't ours! Only a stubborn monkey could bleed this much and still get up afterwards!"

Goku looked to Hakkai for clarification, and the brunette smiled sweetly at him ad nodded. Goku's tears began falling again as he turned to Sanzo.

"Oh, Sanzo… they're alive! They're not… and you dind't…"

"Mm?"

"Oh, Sanzo…."

Goku threw his arms around Sanzo and cried into his robes again.

"! Goku-?"

"I promise, Sanzo… Never again!"

"Goku…"

Hakkai lookedat the two and wiped away his own tears.

"Sanzo… you knew all along he would be okay!"

"No.. all I did was listen."

Goku pulled himself away and looked up at his keeper.

"You were calling me, weren't you?"

Goku nodded.

"I wasn't ready… I didn't want to be where I was… so all I could do was call out to you! Sanzo… you really listened!"

"Of course…" He said, setting a hand on Goku's head.

"How could I EVER ignore a voice so noisy? You drive me nuts, Goku."

"Heh… yeah. ………………Sanzo?"

"What?"

"…I'm hungry."

All: ;


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